I still have a couple of days left before I officially enter my fourth (!!) decade of life, but to be honest I’ve been acting like a thirty-something for several years already. I guess that’s what happens when you start your first professional job at age 21 and also like to go to bed before 10pm. 

Anyways, as one is wont to do, I’ve spent my last few days as a twenty-something wondering if my back is about to suddenly give out when I tip over the 30-year-old threshold and also reflecting on the wisdom I’ve gained along the way. I’ll spare you the “30 things I learned in my first 30 years” post and just focus on the top three, which can be cheekily described as the three categories in the classic Twenty Questions game that I played all the time as a kid: people, places, and things. 

My 9th birthday. I don’t know why I look so intense in this photo or why I have what looks like candy in my hand in addition to the cake in front of my face. Honestly I’m a little scared of myself. Maybe I’m just really stoked about that cake.

People

The more time I spend with people that I love, admire, and respect, the more love, admiration, and respect I have for myself. Being very intentional about who I make an effort to see (and who I don’t) has been a huge boost to my mental health and general happiness. 

I would personally much rather have a few friends over for dinner and board games rather than a bigger gathering that’s mostly just chatting with various folks. Not that people aren’t interesting, I just like activities better. So those are the invitations I say yes to. This is clearly a personality and preferences thing, and the wisdom here is to really think about what kinds of people and gatherings are more enjoyable and less stressful and then intentionally prioritize those. I also don’t get to see friends and family in the bay area as often now that I live in Tahoe, so when I’m there I make seeing them a priority even if it means skipping a workout or saying no to happy hour with coworkers.

Some of my favorite humans

Another small example of this is the process of building a community in Tahoe. Will and I regularly hang out with a handful of other couples for dinners and game nights and such, but I was extra stoked at the end of last year to get invited to a book club group that’s currently all female. To take advantage of the invitation, I’ve made an extra effort to go to the monthly meetings, including going to a book club gathering and then leaving Tahoe at 10pm that night to drive four hours to the bay area so I could be at work at 8am the next morning, as well as pushing a trip to Chile back by a day so I could go to book club the night before. I do genuinely like to read, but in this case what I really care about is the connection with other women and I’m excited to get to know them better this year.

Places

Ever since moving to Tahoe a little over a year ago, my quality of life has drastically improved. That’s primarily because Will and I are finally living in the same place again, but also the access to the mountains and lake doesn’t hurt. And proximity to Yosemite. And the smell of fresh pine as I walk ten minutes down the hill to the climbing gym on a crisp morning. Living in a place I love has really amped up my everyday experience and I’d recommend it to everyone, though I realize that in my case it’s a huge privilege and I’m incredibly lucky. 

View of the lake from a short hike up the hill behind my house
Photo taken almost exactly a year ago on a routine morning walk to the climbing gym.

Things

I suppose I really mean the lack of things, as well as the organization of said things. This is again very personality-driven, but it makes me feel so calm to have just the things I need and nothing more. I wouldn’t call myself a minimalist by any means (I mean, I have five pairs of climbing shoes and two pairs of skis and I definitely need all of them) but being generally tidy and organized and not having a ton of clutter is huge for my peace of mind. Thus I’ve made it a priority to taking the time (almost) every day to tidy the spaces where I live and work.

On a sort of related note, with regards to food, Will and I practice what we jokingly call “fridge zero”. It’s named after “inbox zero”, a strategy where the goal is to respond to, archive, or delete all emails such that your email inbox is back to zero at the end of the day. (I’m more like an “inbox ten” person but that’s besides the point.) Anyways, buying groceries for the week with specific meals in mind means that we get pretty close to an empty fridge by the end of the week (sauces don’t count), and it’s amazing how much less food waste there is when all of the ingredients are dedicated to a specific meal or snack. Another win for tidy spaces and fewer things.

So those are my personal keys to happiness that I’ve learned over the past 30 years: building a supportive and fun community, living in a place I love, and trying to have fewer things as well as keeping the things I do have nice and organized.

Unfortunately for me, Twenty Questions only has three categories, so I’ll have to be extra creative with my fourth piece of wisdom once I get to the end of my fourth decade. Good thing I have another ten years to think about it.